"How had their world fallen into chaos? Was it because the individuals contained in their own psyches some characteristics fundamentally incompatible with the social whole? Or was it the whole as such that distorted, paralyzed, and destroyed the individuals who composed it? Or again, was there perhaps never a rhythmic social whole at all, only an illusion of unified movement resulting from an accidental articulation of fundamentally incohesive, individualized parts?"

the streets so dull
with life

touching softly
gathering objects of no worth

crepes that led to nothing but shallow offers

hoping to die on the street

gay glittered men of no use a tease for the taint

going to Safeway became a sexual ritualistic pursuit for happiness

I live in a modern Fred Meyer world

am not alone or afraid

venti soy caramel frappuccino

two canvas sacks the length of heel to toe

a shiny object near the ocean

a small wedding ceremony of man||wife||waves to my back
black tie
cream gown long black hair
six pairs of shoes and a white lighthouse
blue waves
plenty of water

upon entering a crowd 2 buff men
one cocoa one beige
(whom i always seem to refer back to)
begin digging in the ground and soon slowly lift an olive green fish net from a cavity in the earth.

a baby piglet, charbroiled and mangled no choice but to lay quietly in the net

i thought of you in your torment
how it must feel to crave the flesh of something so forbidden

the wedding party enters the lighthouse

meanwhile my two buff strangers begin to perspire in a manner much unsuitable for eyes who hunger for her mans fleshy bits
(hibernating in the attic)

and i think of you again, your mind so tangled
lies laid on lies

my two buff men lift the piglet high into the air at this very moment
the fleshy bits; a melting candle
don't care too much for meaty flavored innards

have i lost my love for meaty flavored innards
surely we are not out of love so soon

the married couple is nowhere to be seen
and already jaded by the sight of the melting piglet
quietly i sip a mai tai and think of nothing

whenever i masturbate (with fingers)
i imagine my body shrinking
i become very small//tiny
then i walk into my vagina
what seems now, at this size to be a large
inviting place

you do not live in a fantasy world as i had suspected
why were my half conceived thoughts so nervous if you would not have
received them correctly to begin with
im scared and feel as though my body gets sicker everyday
i can no longer connect fragmented pieces as before
my hands lay idle but i can hear everything going on around me